Tag Archives: Christian counseling

Making Marriage Work

By Dan Blair, a marriage counselor and family counselor.

Conflict between man and woman standing on either side of a doorAs a marriage and family therapist I have learned techniques to help marriages and family relationships work. Continue reading Making Marriage Work

Christian Mindfulness

By Dan Blair, a marriage counselor and family counselor.

Christian Mindfulness“More than 100 million American adults who describe themselves as Christian contend . . . they are still searching for clarity regarding their purpose in life (George Barna, Maximum Faith).” Is there a connection between awareness of God and self-awareness? As one form of awareness goes up, does the other go down? Or does awareness of God and self-awareness work together? John Calvin writes, “The knowledge of God and that of ourselves are connected. Without knowledge of self there is no knowledge of God. Without knowledge of God there is no knowledge of self.” Continue reading Christian Mindfulness

Support for Pastors at No Cost

By Dan Blair, a Christian marriage counselor and family counselor.

The burdens that pastors carry are many. Dr. Greg Smalley reports that 80 percent of pastors leave the ministry within five years of graduating seminary. He adds that 1500 pastors a month leave due to burnout or moral failure. According to a Barna Group study released in 2017, 26% of pastors have faced significant marital problems. And 48% agree their current ministry is difficult on their families. Pastors give so much to others, but the pressures are heavy enough to hamper their availability to their families, or self-care.

Continue reading Support for Pastors at No Cost

No Pain, No Gain?

By Dan Blair, a marriage counselor and family counselor.

The anguish we encounter in life is immeasurable at times. It’s big. Too big. What do you do with anger and the impulse to express it without a satisfying outcome? What do you do with fear/shame that reveals our vulnerability at its core and that our worst fears can come true? What do you do with sadness so profound, so far-reaching that it drains our ability to cope?

Continue reading No Pain, No Gain?

Using Grace to Change

By Dan Blair, a marriage counselor and family counselor. What if instead of judging yourself, you fully accepted yourself as does God? The Christian concept of grace is based on the finished work of Jesus as a completely effective mediator between God and man. Depression, anxiety, and addictions all depend on a negative cycle and sense of inadequacy that is fed by stress, fear, and shame. Continue reading Using Grace to Change

Arresting Anxiety

By Dan Blair, a marriage counselor and family counselor.

“Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10a).

The same emotion can either be positive or negative in the Bible. The Bible may command an emotion in one place and prohibit it in another depending on the context. For example, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” (Ephesians 4:26). Sorrow has its place but also has limits. Likewise, fear is appropriate in particular circumstances but a state of prolonged fear becomes problematic. Continue reading Arresting Anxiety

Forgiving Versus Reconciling

By Dan Blair, a marriage counselor and family counselor.

Many choose to forgive because forgiveness has benefits for the forgiver. Forgiveness is a canceling of a “debt”. One can choose to forgive so that anger doesn’t destroy one’s own sense of well-being, though this may require a grieving process. To forgive is to release oneself from an expectation that another person has to fulfill some requirement or redeem the relationship. It is no longer holding in hostility. Restoring the relationship, though, is a step further. A Biblical example of reconciliation, the restoring of proper relationship, is forgiveness and repentance. Repentance is a u-turn involving a realization of the impact of a wrong, full remorse, a commitment to change, and actual behavioral changes over time. Continue reading Forgiving Versus Reconciling

Connection Before Correction

By Dan Blair, a marriage counselor and family counselor.

While doing right leads to healthy relationships, the Bible also promotes the opposite: healthy relationships lead to doing right. Continue reading Connection Before Correction