As a marriage therapist and being married myself, I have learned that what is said is not often what is meant. For example, after a discussion with my wife, and she says “fine,” that is often used to end an argument when she is probably right, and I need to stop talking. Other times she may ask me ”What is wrong?” and I say ”Nothing,” even though something is wrong. If I make a proposal and she says, “Go ahead,” I cannot assume it is permission. (It is actually a dare.) I’ve also learned that when my wife says “Whatever,” it is not “Whatever makes you happy.” Instead, she is sending a subtle but possibly explicit message. If she apologized and I say ”That’s okay,” I actually may be planning to keep my distance for awhile. Finally, when my wife says “Wow,” it is not a compliment. It often means the she is amazed that one person can be so stupid.
Not only do I see communication problems, but I see problems people think would be solved if they were married to someone else. Read the rest of this entry »
